Click the sound file link to display and stream the mp3 player directly under the file name. To download, right-click the file and select “Save Link As” or “Save Target.”

Nurse Jackie: “four minutes till brain damage” :01

Nurse Jackie: “American women are very adventurous. She probably did it for attention. What do you do for attention.” :06

Nurse Jackie: “Charming as ever.” :01

Nurse Jackie: “I don’t like chatty. I like quiet. Quiet and mean. Those are my people.” :05

Nurse Jackie: “Don’t ever say ta da again. The only people who say ta da are magicians and idiots.” :05

Nurse Jackie: “Enjoy” :01

Nurse Jackie: “OK, that’s enough out of you.” :01

Nurse Jackie: “Fresh Meat” :01

Nurse Jackie: “Yea, you better get him started on Prozak.” :02

Nurse Jackie: “That’s the second time today I thought I was gonna’ puke” :02

Nurse Jackie: “I guess it could happen. Sure, I could see it.” :02

Nurse Jackie: “Hieeee” :01

Nurse Jackie: “But anyway, I hope you get to the bottom of this.” :02

Nurse Jackie: “…jerkoffs blow thhrough these doors… but a total fu*king retard. I know you.” :14

Nurse Jackie: “I can handle this thank you.” :01

Nurse Jackie: “I know, shut up.” :01

Nurse Jackie: “I am off the clock.” :01

Nurse Jackie: “I’m so sorry, oh god.” :01

Nurse Jackie: “When I get nervous I act out with inaproproate sexual touches. It’s .. it’s…” :04

Nurse Jackie: “That man is incopetent and dangerous.” :02

Nurse Jackie: “Is this happening, not happening? I can’t even tell.” :02

Nurse Jackie: “Oh don’t worry, it’s not poop.” :02

Nurse Jackie: “Jesus, you’re kidding.” :01

Nurse Jackie: “I’ll be happy to provide you with a list of shrinks, sliding scale, per income slash insurance.” :04

Nurse Jackie: “His monkey little fingers ruined a pair of eighty dollar tights.” :03

Nurse Jackie: “What’s this about, nobody ate your muffins?” :02

Nurse Jackie: “I am not attracted to you at all.” :02

Nurse Jackie: “Oh my god, I’d love to.” :02

Nurse Jackie: “Would it be ok if I took a picture of your injuries? My stupid little brother is like a bong hit away from launching fireworks from his asscheeks.” :13

Nurse Jackie: “If you want to press charges this place is crawling with cops. No.” :03

Nurse Jackie: “He says it was a terets response to stress.” :02

Nurse Jackie: “What you can do for me is this. You can stay the fu*k out of my way, that’s what you can do for me.” :04

Nurse Jackie: “I need to talk to someone, now.” :02

Nurse Jackie: “The fu*k with the language, look where you are, jesus. Blow me.” :03

Nurse Jackie: “They’re looking for God.” :01

Nurse Jackie: “This is where you get to gloat.” :01

Nurse Jackie: “You’re the one who tongued her husband after uletide kerokie not me.” :03

Nurse Jackie: “I think the point here is total automation. They’re going to replace you with a bullsh*t robot machine? Well, technically it’s not a robot. Well actually it is.” :05

Nurse Jackie: “You had to be nice? Can’t believe I missed it.” :02

Nurse Jackie: “You know what this job is honey? This jobs is wading though a sh*t-storm of people, who come into this place on the very worst day of their lives. That’s it, end of story. The fact that you have even the slightest inclination to help people puts you miles ahead of one hundred percent of the population. So stop crying, buck up. If you need to cry, go do it in the ladies room, is that clear?” :019

Nurse Jackie: “Your are a good lady, lady. hahah.” :03

Nurse Jackie: “You’re a moron.” :01

Nurse Jackie: “Why won’t anybody talk to me?” :02

Nurse Jackie: “Yeah… No.” :02

Nurse Jackie: “Fu*k You” :01

Radio Sound Effects: Who Did It, and How, in the Era of Live Broadcasting
Price: $35.0

Click the sound file link to display and stream the mp3 player directly under the file name. To download, right-click the file and select “Save Link As…” or “Save Target As…”

Well let’s cut the bull sister. :01

We don’t care and it shows. :01

A festivus for the rest of us. :02

Amazing, I drive em’ to lesbianism and he drives em’ back. :04

I’m out there Jerry and I’m lovin’ every minute of it. :03

Seinfeld, Master of Its Domain: Revisiting Television’s Greatest Sitcom
Price: $16.46
Includes articles on the show by Geoffrey O’Brien and Bill Wyman, and a selection of essays by television scholars in the US – looking at issues of Seinfeld’s Jewishness, alleged nihilism, food obsession, and long-running syndication. This work covers a comprehensive episode guide, and Betty Lee’s lexicon of Seinfeld language.

Click the sound file link to display and stream the mp3 player directly under the file name. To download, right-click the file and select “Save Link As…” or “Save Target As…”

They can’t all be great you know, you do that many shows some are gonna suck, some are gonna eat and some are gonna blow. This is a good show, this is a fine show. Some suck, some blow some eat. :11

Bill Clinton was made an honorary Kennedy. :03

Get ready for real comedy fun. :03

Damn. 01

Is there a doctor in the house. :02

Flyin’ monkees is funny. :02

Fine, good luck show boy. :02

Hello. :01

If we’re late screw it, so we’re late, big deal. :02

I’m a little newt, I’m a weasel, hurt me. :02

We’ve done over 13 hundred shows, so it’s not suprising that one would eat, suck or blow. :06

Screw those guys. :01

Now it’s time to taste the fury of my rod. :03

WWW the website, where you dial up on your computer, on the internet. :05

David Letterman’s Book of Top Ten Lists: And Zesty Lo-Cal Chicken Reci

Click the sound file link to display and stream the mp3 player directly under the file name. To download, right-click the file and select “Save Link As…” or “Save Target As…”

Ernie: Burt, I’m afraid he’s gonna get all cold and lonely outside here all by himself Burt. And I don’t want him to be lonely and sad. :06

Ernie: I think I’ll tickle him, he’ll feel that I’m sure. Tickle, tickle tickle. :04

Grover: Yes that is just as I thought. :03

Grover: Allrighty now how may I help you? Oh, it is you. So nice to see you. :04

Grover: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Not so fast. :02

Grover: Ah, I sorry about that. :01

Grover: Ah, ah. I’m very sorry we having these troubles, please stand by. :03

Grover: I think I’ll put on my cute little sunglasses. :05

Grover: What, what the hey? What is that I hear? :03

Grover: Where did my best friend go? Where? Ahhhh. :05

Grover: Hey, hello everybody. This is your old pal Grover. :05

Kermit: Gee that sounds kind of interesting. :01

Kermit: Well hi ho there, this is Kermit the frog. :02

Kermit: Stay with us folks, things could break any minute now. But right now, back to our regular program. :06

Kermit: So do you think, do you think, you can remember next time :03

Kermit: A places please, places everyone. We’ll just try it again. Places, places. Roll camera. :06

Kermit: Places please, here we go, quiet down and roll camera. :04

Kermit: Well there’s not business like snow business. That’s an old show biz joke you know. :05

Oscar: Just pipe down and let’s get on with it. :02

Oscar: Hey don’t press your luck. :01

Oscar: Hey I got em’ this far, you take over from here. :02

Oscar: Well, the test isn’t quite over. Naptime is next. :05

Oscar: Whaddya’ want? :01

Oscar: What took you so long? :01

Oscar: No I’m working on it. :01

Oscar: You, you can do it. :02

Gund: Sesame Street Countd 14
Price: $19.79

Click the sound file link to display and stream the mp3 player directly under the file name. To download, right-click the file and select “Save Link As…” or “Save Target As…”

Oh it’s amazing.I love it. :02

Am I high? :01

Oh my God, I can’t wait to dance at your ass pirate wedding. :03

I can’t stand these conservative bed wetters. :02

The abusers are allways hooking up electrical boxes to the kids genitals. I mean, who has electrical boxes ready to go? :07

Euch :01

Youth wakin’ soul quakin’, keep you from wakin’ up Satan’s bacon, cutting edge evangelism tool of the ’90s. :08

This family meeting is called to order. :02

Oh, somebody forgot their pants. :02

Dude, I’ve been digging around in your closet for an hour, and I can’t fu*king get to Narnia. :04

I hate you for not fu*king me. :01

Like hosting a kegger in your brain. It can be, astounding. :05

Yea knuckles, My man! :02

It’s like it’s glowing. :01

I’m not an expert or anything, but I think I know my literary boners. :03

I’m mesmerized by your ass. :01

Don’t appeal to his emotions. Just let him go to murder practice. :03

Unfortunately, I can’t seem to micromanage my daughter’s vagina. :03

Naked people, weird body parts, it’s awkward as hell. :03

Look, we knew when you went off the meds the whole gang would resurface. :03

Yeah, multiple personality reunion tour. :02

This power puff boy does not warrant a collective pronoun. :03

Pussy. :01

Does this qualify as a breakthrough? :02

I’m not the only one who’s ever screwed up around here. :02

Her sexual indiscretions will not go unpunished. :02

Shocking. :01

Which is I’m sure, part of her skank muffin appeal. :03

The morning after skanky, sweaty teen sex. :03

Oh that is so messed up. :01

Oh my God you are so smart. I can’t believe you never finished massage school. :03

I’ts just sometimes you make me feel like I’m living in some kind of lifetime lady tamon movie. :05

The hormones in that cluck cluck, can make you get a third nipple. :02

I told you to watch him. I did watch him, I watched him leave. :03

Well smell me. :03

What were you thinking? :01

Sony Sony Pictures Sound Effects Series: Volume 1-5

Click the sound file link to display and stream the Criminal Minds sound file mp3 player directly under the file name. To download, right-click the file and select “Save Link As…” or “Save Target As…”

I charge extra for groups. :01

DId I say something that upset you? :01

Then you wake up one day and there he is. Someone just as sick and pathetic as you are, and you’re whole world changes. :05

Turns out there’s a lot of sick pups in Central Florida. :03

What do you think you have on me? :01

Hey baby girl, we need to talk. PG or NC17? :03

You’ve gone from completely wrong, to completely insane. :03

You know what you are? You’re lost. :01

Criminal Minds First Season

Click the sound file link to display and stream the mp3 player directly under the file name. To download, right-click the file and select “Save Link As…” or “Save Target As…”

Ten points for doing what I said. Minus ten points, for doing it badly. :04

Somehow I don’t think that was really about me. :02

I think in some ancient cultures that was actually considered a proposal of mariage. :05

Being articulate again? It is surprising. :02

Oh for God’s sake, get a room. :01

Is that you’re way of getting into my pants? :01

That’s gotta’ be illegal. Only in nine states, and this isn’t one of them. :03

I need oral sex. :01

You’re from one of the twelve tribes. Must know a ton of sheisters. :03

Wow, muscles and curves. My penis is so confused. :04

He’s boldly gone where no man has gone before. :03

When you were philandering with impunity, how did that feel? :04

Poop in the bedpan (ting) :01

She’s not fat. Not on the outside. But on the inside, she’s still tons of fun. :04

I smashed it with a sledgehammer. :03

Yes, I was going to stalk you at home, but it was a busy week and you’re office is closer. :03

Wanna’ stick it to the man, that’s fine by me. :03

That’s your strategy. Taking the high road. It’s not going to work. :03

You wanna’ know what happened to the old toilet? :01

This is the favor? I was expecting whipped cream and tongue depressors. :04

You happy? Nope, but I’m right. :02

And you know this because? She has infomercials. :02

How would you like my job? :01

Huh, did you say something? I couldn’t hear you from all the way over here on my side of the desk. :03

Have you seen my balls? :01

Way to know where you’re bread is buttered sister. :02

What’s the poop? :01

Sony Sony Pictures Sound Effects Series: Volume 1-5

Click the sound file link to display and stream the mp3 player directly under the file name. To download, right-click the file and select “Save Link As…” or “Save Target As…”

Geeze I can hardly wait. :01

All of youse, dummy up. :01

You are a meathead. :01

Ah nuts to you. :01

Ah shut the hell up. :01

Edith will you stifle. Will you stifle! :02

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but you are one dumb Polack. :05

I ate a frankferter (belch) :01

It looks like we lost a daughter, but we gained a Meathead. :03

Hi Arch, how are you today? Don’t start up with me. Ah, here he is, the good humor man…. Me crushed up against a 300 pound Italian, half of which was pure garlic. :25

Now there’s a kick in the groin. :01

I know people. The reason you don’t know nuthin’ about people is you always got you big mouth open, you’re never willing to listen to nobody. How do you do sir, may I have a moment of your time? No! :11

I want a beer. You can’t have a beer. AIn’t I lucky to have you around to keep me from enjoying life. Now what can I have? You can have a nice lo-cal root beer. I’ll vomit. :16

You got the whole place locked up tighter than a Jew’s purse. :03

You, are a Meathead. :01

Tell you something Mr. Stivick. You a a Meathead. A Meathead, dead from the neck up. :07

You sure are shoveling it tonight Arch. :02

Ah shut the hell up. :01

Will you shut up. :01

Sticks and stones may break my bones. But you are one dumb Polack. :05

What Archie? :01

All in the Family: Complete Second Season [3 Pack] -
Includes:All in the Family: The Saga of Cousin Oscar (1971) All in the Family: Flashback – Mike Meets Archie (1971) All in the Family: Edith Writes a Song (1971) All in the Family: Archie and the Lock-Up (1971) All in the Family: Gloria Poses in the Nude (1971) All in the Family: The Election Story (1971) All in the Family: Christmas Day at the Bunkers (1971) All in the Family: Cousin Maude’s Visit (1971) All in the Family: The Man in the Street (1971) All in the Family: The Insurance Is …

Click the sound file link to display and stream the mp3 player directly under the file name. To download, right-click the file and select “Save Link As…” or “Save Target As…”

I apologize for the smell. :01

Do I smell strangely to you? Do I have a strange odor about me? :04

Don’t gimmie this on the one hand and on the other hand… cause this several hands fu*king sh*t don’t help me. :09

It doesn’t have to be like that. :01

I don’t want it. :01

Well I do lot’s of things I don’t want to do. :02

What do you propose? :01

The world ends when you’re dead, until then, you’ve got more punishment in store. Stand it like a man, but give some back. :11

Fu*k you. Fu*k Me! :02

I feel an urgency about the matter which brings me. :03

We’re forming a fu*king government. :02

I ain’t here for any funny business. :02

Get a fu*king haircut. Looks like your mother fu*ked a monkey. :03

Get the fu*k out of my joint. :02

Got a good fu*king head on her shoulders, unlike some other parties in this room. :03

I’m grateful for your expertise and keen eyesight. :04

Her majesty awakes. :01

I’m in a quandary gentlemen. :01

Is it such an inconceivable proposition? :02

You show em’ how to get here, and you tell em’ I’ll be waiting. :05

Jesus Christ. Jesus fu*king Christ. :03

In life, you have to do a lot of things you don’t fu*king want to do. Many times, that’s what life is, on vile fu*king task after another. Don’t get aggravated. :15

You do realize I’m presenting you with a mutual fu*king problem? :03

It’s no picnic is it honey, running pussy? :02

My office was ransacked and feces mounded in the corner. :03

The only time you’re supposed to open your yap, is when I put my fu*king prick in it. Otherwise you shut the fu*k up. :08

The first use for those fees, is paying bribes to the legislature. :04

People, that’s what were calling those co*ksuckers now, that’s the way things are headed. :04

That’s an interesting piece of strange. :02

I should have brought in a replacement is my fu*king point. :03

You shut the fu*k up, huh! :02

I am a sinner who does not expect forgiveness, but I’m not a government official. :05

Slow the fu*k up. :02

Something’s been amiss the last week or so. :02

Refined spirits will sometimes convulse me. :03

You can go ahead and spit it out, there is no need to swallow. Just spit it out. :03

Tread lightly, who lives in hope of pussy. :03

Under the circumstances, I’d say that’s coming pretty hard. :02

As much as you can, please minimize your obscenities. :02

Jesus, what a fu*king stink. :04

What tea do you enjoy? I like that fu*king black darjeeling. :05

Let it be known that’s the wrong ox to gore. :02

Anyway, thank God I don’t have to rely on you to formulate my plan of action. :04

Deadwood Poster Print

Click the sound file link to display and stream the mp3 player directly under the file name. To download, right-click the file and select “Save Link As…” or “Save Target As…”

This has been a filmways presentation. :02

I’m gonna’ be a double knight spy. :02

If you can’t trust a computer, who can you trust? :02

The computer has never, ever been wrong. :02

Even computers make mistakes. :01

What have I done to deserve this? :02

Ew Doggie. :01

Yes sir that’s what you call a first class double knight spy card. :03

Hot dog. :01

fHey I thought I heard company, howdy there. :01

Congrats chief, how did you do it. :02

What have I done to deserve this? :03

Don’t recken’ you’re all dressed up like that for the trash collector. :03

Well I could be happier. What you got on your mind? :04

By doggies that’s hittin’ low. :02

Just hold everything everybody. :03

Hot dog! :01

Remember what William Jennings Bryant said. Fight hard, but fight clean. But you ain’t fighting clean Granny. Course I ain’t. William Jennings Bryant was a looser. :11

When I give my word I expect you to keep it. :03

That rascal took all my firewood and built a damn across the cement pond. :03

You wanna’ tangle with me? :02

Ohhh Doggie. :01

Every day is a gamble. I figure if I wake up in the morning, I’m a winner. :05

Beverly Hillbillies Print
A Classic 8×10″ Black & White glossy from the .T.V. series the .’Beverly Hillbillies’.